


from the deepest end (to the solace)

by theworldabouttodawn



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i'm shit at summaries sorry, this is Some Emo Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 17:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldabouttodawn/pseuds/theworldabouttodawn
Summary: nolan doesn't know if he's okay.he also doesn't know that nico would do anything for him.





	from the deepest end (to the solace)

**Author's Note:**

> we, as a fandom, need to stop inflicting pain on nolan pls he has done no wrong  
> (i say as i continue to inflict pain on him)  
> title bastardised from "same sea" by lights  
> thx to mel for the original chatfic and sammie for betaing

Nico goes first.

Nico Hischier goes first overall in the 2017 NHL Draft to the New Jersey Devils, and Nolan’s so fucking proud of him.

Dimly, he remembers that he’s supposed to be at least a little bit upset that he wasn’t good enough, and of course he really wanted to go first too, but he can barely think about how that means he really wasn’t good enough. And maybe he doesn’t have any right to be proud of his – his _friend_ , because that’s all Nico is to him, but he is.

And Nico reaches for him once he’s done with his family, pulling Nolan into a hug that feels like more than just-for-the-cameras, and Nolan hears himself say “Congratulations.” He means it, of course, and he just hopes that Nico knows that.

He seems to get the message, grinning back at Nolan with that blinding smile that Nolan’s come to – to _love_ , oh so much, and Nolan feels something in his chest unwind. Watching Nico go up on stage to accept what’s rightfully his, pull the red jersey over his head like he was born to wear it – it takes the pressure off Nolan’s chest, enough that when his own name is called he can just focus on the good.

But as glad he is to have finally been drafted, as proud as he is of Nico, there’s still a niggling voice in the back of his head that tells him _you weren’t good enough_ that persists throughout the pictures and media scrums and everything he still gets to do as a top three pick. At least Nico’s always there, by his side or just out of sight, and his presence is far more comforting than Nolan would ever care to admit.

Nolan still begs off celebrating that night, though, claiming a headache and leaving his family to go out and do whatever it is they want to do. His phone buzzes almost as soon as he lets himself into his family’s suite of rooms. _Can I come over?_ It’s from Nico. He probably shouldn’t respond, shouldn’t say yes, but there has never been anything Nolan’s been able to deny Nico.

_sure_ , he texts back, pulling the orange jersey off over his head. He doesn’t want to think about that right now.

The knock comes on the door almost too quickly, as if Nico was already on his way before Nolan had texted him back, but Nolan won’t let himself think about that. He’s still not sure if this is a good idea, but he – he wants to see Nico. He _always_ wants to see Nico, and this – tonight – it’s Nico’s, and if Nico wants to spend it with Nolan for some godforsaken reason, then Nolan will give Nico anything.

Nico’s _right there_ when Nolan opens the door, filling the frame and looking like everything Nolan’s ever wanted, already changed and soft in sweatpants and a tshirt in sharp contrast to Nolan’s dress clothes and he – he can’t do this anymore.

He doesn’t trust his voice, just blinks owlishly at Nico for a few moments before remembering himself. “Come – come on in,” he says, voice just as shaky as he expected it to be.

So Nico steps in, closing the door behind him. “Are you okay?” he asks. God, he’s so perceptive, and Nolan’s so fucking in love with him, and–

“I’m so proud of you,” he says, because he can’t say _no, I’m not, but it’s okay because it was you_. “You’re – you deserve this, Nico, you really do, and I–” He feels the tears welling up again, no matter how much he tries to force them down, because this is _Nico_ , and if anyone was going to go ahead of him, it should’ve been Nico. It _was_ Nico, and that’s – that’s okay.

But Nico’s worried, now, and Nolan never wanted to make him feel like this. He just wanted – he doesn’t even know what he wanted, but – “Come here,” Nico says, pulling Nolan into his arms, and – _oh_.

It should be embarrassing, how easily Nolan melts into Nico’s arms, but it isn’t. And the pressure’s building up inside him, and he doesn’t even know what he’s so upset about at this point, but Nico gentles him with a hand stroking his hair and the other rubbing his back, guiding them through the open door of Nolan’s room and to the bed. “If there’s – there’s anything,” Nico says, “if you want to talk, I can listen.”

“I’m scared,” he confesses, and the entire dam bursts. “I’m scared of what people are gonna say, and I’m scared that I’ll lose you, because I wasn’t good enough, and sometimes people only like me because I’m better than them, and I’m not as good as you, and–”

“Nolan, no, you’re so good,” Nico says, stemming the relentless tide, and Nolan feels something within him unwind. “You’re so talented, so perfect. Just because I went first, doesn’t mean you’re not still enough. You’re always enough for me. I don’t need anything else more than you,” and – Nolan can’t believe he’s hearing these words.

He doesn’t think he can believe them. He wants to trust Nico – and _god,_ does he trust Nico – but this? This can’t be true. “Thanks,” he says anyways, because even this is probably more than he deserves. Nico’s still too good for him, despite all Nico thinks he believes. Nico just hums in response, holding Nolan close. Nolan thinks he could lose himself in this, in this fantasy of having Nico like he’s wanted for so long.

And then he feels the warm press of lips on his forehead, and it brings him back to reality. This reality, where Nico is his friend who couldn’t want anything more. Not with Nolan, at any rate.

The tears come again, despite his best efforts to stop them. But Nico doesn’t shy away, doesn’t pull away from Nolan. Instead, he comes even closer, if that’s possible, cupping Nolan’s face in his (big, warm) palm, pressing gentle kisses to Nolan’s eyelids, his cheeks, the tip of his nose–

Nolan doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve Nico, even like this, leading him on when there can’t possibly be anything–

“Hey, Nolan, look at me,” Nico says, so gentle and soft, and Nolan does. He knows he must look a mess, but there’s a light shining in Nico’s eyes as he smiles.

Nolan dares to hope.

Nico’s holding him like he’s something precious, something to be cherished, and it’s – it’s too much. Nolan wants to duck his head, to hide from the way Nico’s gaze strips him bare, but he can’t bring himself to look away. He holds his breath, caught in the moment.

The moment Nico kisses him, his eyes slip shut. It’s sweet, chaste, but Nolan still can’t help but gasp. Realistically, it’s not anything mind-blowing, just a soft press of Nico’s lips to his, but it still steals his breath away.

Nolan keeps his eyes closed for a heartbeat after Nico pulls away, trying to savour the moment, imprinting it in his memory just in case this is a one-time thing. Before he can stop himself, he blurts out, “This isn’t, like, a pity thing, is it? Because I didn’t go first? Because I really like you, Nico, I’ve liked you since I met you.”

“No, never, oh god,” and Nico’s tripping over his words. “I want this too, since I meet you, I want you so much, please let me show you,” and Nolan feels his heart swell three sizes.

Suddenly he’s being kissed within an inch of his life, Nico clutching him as if he can’t bear to let go. He lets himself fall into the kiss, losing his mind with every choked breath and hitched sound Nico pulls out of him, and it’s so good, but he wants more. And maybe he can have more, now, when he’s been denying himself all this time.

Dimly, he feels warm hands scrabbling at the hem of his shirt, sliding up under the stiff cotton to brush at his bare skin, and he moans into Nico’s mouth, feeling Nico smirk against him in response before pulling away. Nolan whines, chasing the taste of Nico’s lips, But Nico moves to Nolan’s jaw, then, kissing and sucking and biting, careful not to leave any marks but otherwise having his way with Nolan.

And Nolan’s powerless to stop him. Not that he would ever want to, of course, not when Nico’s deft fingers are making quick work of the buttons on Nolan’s dress shirt, and Nolan can feel where Nico is getting hard in his sweats, and everything he knows is _Nico, Nico, Nico._

“You’re so hot,” Nico says, mouthing at Nolan’s neck and sliding the shirt off Nolan’s shoulders.

Nolan doesn’t even know how to respond, doesn’t know what to say to this gorgeous, beautiful, _ridiculous_ boy who’s currently making his way down Nolan’s bare chest. So he stutters out, dumbly, “So are you,” and Nico grins wickedly at him.

“Beautiful,” Nico murmurs, skimming his hands over Nolan’s chest and ribs in a way that sends shivers down his spine. He traces the waistband of Nolan’s pants, unbuckling his belt and undoing the button before pressing a wet kiss to Nolan’s dick, still in his boxers.

Nolan’s breath hitches. “Please,” he gasps out, hands fisted in the comforter.

“You can touch, you know,” Nico says, gazing up at Nolan with heat in his eyes. “I – I want you to.”

And _oh_ , Nolan’s been thinking about getting his hands in Nico’s hair for who knows how long, so he barely hesitates before working his fingers into the dark brown strands. Nico’s eyes slide shut as he pushes into Nolan’s hand, looking for more of the touch that Nolan is more than happy to give him.

When Nico pushes down Nolan’s boxers to take Nolan’s dick in his mouth, Nolan’s brain shorts out at the slick, wet heat. His fingers tighten in Nico’s hair involuntarily. “Sorry, sorry,” he rushes to say, loosening his grip as fast as he can.

Nico pulls off and looks up at him, eyes dark and mouth wet, looking like everything Nolan never knew he wanted. “It’s okay,” he says. “You can – do it again? Pull?” And it definitely sounds more like a question than a request, but the sound he makes when Nolan tentatively tugs on his hair again is answer enough.

He swallows Nolan back down, and Nolan’s world narrows to Nico’s mouth on his dick and Nico’s hair under his fingertips. It’s – it’s so much, and Nico’s tongue is absolutely _wicked_ and Nolan thinks he might come just from the way Nico’s looking at him, pupils blown from lust and want.

And there’s no way he wants to come before he can get his hand on Nico’s dick, so with the last of his brain function he manages to gasp out, “Wait, no, stop, I don’t – I don’t wanna–”

Nico pulls off immediately, dark eyes suddenly full of concern. “Did I hurt you?” he asks, furrowing his brow.

“No, no, it’s – it’s so good,” Nolan stutters out. “You’re so good. I just – I just don’t want to come without touching you,” and _oh_ , the sound that Nico makes when he hears that is truly pornographic.

“Okay, okay,” Nico says, hastily pulling off his shirt as he crawls back off the bed. He keeps one hand around Nolan’s dick when he goes to kiss Nolan, and Nolan lets his hands roam all over the expanse of skin that is Nico’s back. He still can’t believe that he’s allowed to touch.

Nico moans into his mouth when Nolan slips a hand under the waistband of his sweatpants and grabs at his ass. It’s perfect, just like every other part of Nico is perfect, and Nico makes an impatient sound and pushes his sweatpants down, grinding his cock into the valley of Nolan’s hip.

Nolan’s breath catches at the sensation. Nico is so hard against his skin, and Nolan feels like he’s burning up with every slow thrust Nico makes, rutting steadily against Nolan like he’s got all the time in the world. He reaches down to take Nico in his hand, and they’re both so wet already that the slick slide is almost too easy.

Hips pushing up into Nolan’s hand, Nico breaks off the kiss to mouth sloppily at Nolan’s neck. When Nolan does – _something_ just right, Nico muffles a sob in Nolan’s shoulder, shuddering, and Nolan can barely keep it together enough to do it again. And now Nico’s the one who’s falling apart, scrabbling at Nolan’s arms for purchase, and the sounds falling out of his mouth and sometimes into Nolan’s are the best things Nolan’s ever heard.

When Nico manages to reach down to wrap strong, sure fingers around Nolan’s cock, Nolan can barely get a warning in before he’s coming, back arching into Nico’s chest and senses on fire. It takes Nico only a few more seconds to follow him over the edge, adding to the mess between them before Nolan’s even come down from the peak.

They stay like that for a few moments, staring wide-eyed at each other and still panting into each other’s mouths. Nico’s the first to break, eyes crinkling just a second before he starts giggling, and Nico’s joy is so infectious that Nolan can’t help but join in.

“Get off, you’re heavy,” Nolan manages to say, pushing at Nico.

He goes willingly, falling onto his back next to Nolan but still keeping their fingers linked. “Wow,” he says, breathless.

“That’s all you can say?” Nolan teases, finally feeling more than empty for the first time the entire night.

Nico doesn’t respond, just squeezes Nolan’s hand in acknowledgement, but it’s enough. After a few more moments of silence, Nico says, “I’m so glad you’re here,” rolling onto his side to look at Nolan. “You’re – you’ve been so much for me, since we met. I needed a friend like you, someone who understood, and your support – is everything. You’ve taught me so much, about getting better, getting over injuries, passion –”

And Nolan panics for a split second. This sounds like a “can we just be friends” talk, and Nolan doesn’t know if he could handle that now, not after he knows exactly what Nico sounds like when he’s falling apart, not after Nico’s already branded himself into Nolan’s skin, but he curls into himself anyways. He can prepare himself for this. He’ll be fine.

But Nico’s voice is so gentle when he coaxes Nolan to “look at me, please,” so Nolan does, even though he’s scared of what he might find in Nico’s eyes. Nico cups Nolan’s cheek, a tender caress that Nolan can’t help but lean into even as he tries to steel himself for what’s coming.

It’s not what he expects, though. Nico smiles at him, soft and beautiful, and kisses Nolan so sweetly that Nolan thinks he might cry. It’s surprisingly chaste, a sharp contrast to all the other heated kisses Nico’s wrecked Nolan with today, but he melts into it anyways.

When Nico pulls away, his smile is soft. “It might be too early for this,” he says, earnest, “but I love you, and you deserve to know that.”

Nolan’s overwhelmed with emotion, with how much he _loves_ Nico, so of course he says it back. And it’s so much just to watch the joy spread over Nico’s face, to get the full force of Nico’s blinding smile directed only at him, only _for_ him, that he can feel the tears welling up yet again despite his best efforts to keep them in. But it’s okay, this time, because they’re because he’s _happy_. He’s so, so happy, and Nico is right here and _his_.

“Hey, hey, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” Nico asks, worried.

“No, no, not at all,” Nolan rushes to assure him. “Nothing, never, I’m just–” and he reaches for Nico, who willingly wraps him in his arms, holding him tight.

Nico understands. “Happy?” he asks, and there’s a note of wonder in his voice that Nolan almost can’t believe he’s hearing. “Me too.”

“Stay the night?” Nolan asks before he can stop himself.

“Of course,” Nico says, and Nolan can hear the smile in his voice.

He settles in, resting his head on Nico’s chest and listening to his heartbeat, lulled by the sound. “Sorry,” he murmurs some time later, almost asleep. “For making you worry.”

Nico hums and presses a kiss to the top of Nolan’s head. “Nothing to be sorry for,” he responds. “Just want to make sure you are okay.”

“I am now,” Nolan says. “I will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://olllmaatta.tumblr.com) for more hockey screams and feelings.


End file.
